She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
