I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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