she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
