So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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