She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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