thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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