i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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