What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
