sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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