Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
