The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
40s are totally the cure
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
