I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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