Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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