then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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