oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i believe in u and ur pee
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
