its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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