yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
