Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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