Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
