It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
