She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
