My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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