So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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