Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
