i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
