Four minutes until I can fart!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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