MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've blown a few things in my day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
