When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
