Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize