I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
