Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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(727): View more from Florida

I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

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(602): View more from Arizona

hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed

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(408): View more from California

Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight

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