hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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