Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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