were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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