hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
