you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
