I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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