It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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