We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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