You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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