Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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