I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize