I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
