end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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