i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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