Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
