So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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