i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
