apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
