you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
