shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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