I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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