News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
