K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
