Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
