rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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