Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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