woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
