Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
