i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
