I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize