after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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