I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
