I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
